28 September, 2011

Funny 36 (These are real 911 calls)

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? 
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. 
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? 
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich . 
Dispatcher: Excuse me? 
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it. 
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken? 
 Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I’m sick and tired of it!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency? 
Caller: I’m trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn’t have an eleven on it. 
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. 
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma’am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. 
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I’m not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 
What’s the nature of your emergency? 
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart 
Dispatcher: Is this her first child? 
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 
Caller: Yeah, I’m having trouble breathing. I’m all out of breath. Darn….I think I’m going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? 
Caller: I’m at a pay phone. North and Foster. 
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? 
Caller: No 
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.


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